It was day 20, I sat down on the trail and dug for my notebook, conveniently packed near the bottom of my pack. I yanked it out, flipped to an empty page and wrote 'PRO' on one side and 'CON' on the other. Subconsciously I knew what this was going to tell me but I needed to see it on paper to fully convince myself. I had already felt this way and had been dwelling on it for a while but for some reason, here, on trail, right now, I couldn't take another step.
When I first decided to embark on this journey I felt like I had all the reasons in the world to do it. I missed the trails and felt like I didn't remember them fully. I love to challenge myself and see what I'm made of. I was in a bad place and knew hiking would pull me out of it. What I didn't expect, when I started, was that I not only remembered certain sections of the trail, I remembered every step. What started out as a walk down memory lane soon turned into monotony. It was at this point an idea began to infect my mind and kill my motivation. An idea that would eventually help me to make the decision to get off trail.
In the end, my heart wasn't in it.
I couldn't justify why I was spending my precious time and money to do something I had already done. I spent most of my time dreaming of all the new places I could see if I abandoned this trip.
So, sitting there, on the trail, making my 'PRO' and 'CON' list, I decided I was done. None of it was too difficult, or too unenjoyable, in fact, I had a great time but I was done. I threw my notebook back in my pack, picked up my things and hiked the eight miles back into town.
Even now, as I sit here on a flight to Ecuador, a place I've never been, I have zero regrets. I'm going to hike new trails, experience new cultures, and actually have time to write, one of my favorite pastimes. The feeling of a completely new adventure is exciting and overwhelming. For the next month I'll navigate my way through South America before heading off to Nepal to hike some of their intense trails.
I'm extremely grateful for all of the continued support from my friends and family and hope you stay tuned as I travel and hike around the world. You can still keep updated on my location with the link in the email!
