My Invincible Summer

“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.”- Albert Camus

This quote reminds me a lot of how I view our emotions. In the darkest of times, you realize the only person in control of your happiness is you. Though I've known this for years, it is much harder to control than just saying “I want to be happy now.” There are a few times in my life where I have felt like I’m in a lull of happiness and it gets harder and harder to pull myself out. Something that always helps me is spending time outside and remembering the things that I enjoy about myself. But for me, it takes more than a few hours outside everyday to reset my happiness. I need to experience the back country and the harsh reality of who I am when I forget who I want to be.

The last week I spent on the Immersion semester with Chico State, I was devastated about returning home. I didn't want to lose everything I had gained. I didn't want to regress into the person I left behind. I was emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually changed by this incredible journey and I didn't know if I was strong enough to keep those changes. Spoiler: I did not. Though I kept some things close, returning to Chico sucked me back into my old lifestyle. I didn't realize it till a year later, after I graduated college and moved back home with my parents. I was nearly the same as I was before, with a few cool stories to tell.

This journey across the PCT can bring me back, will bring me back to a better version of myself; And this is the biggest reason I am taking on this hike, I will carry my invincible summer with me on this hike and beyond, hoping to let it shine brighter and brighter with each step I take.